{Featured Article} Wedding Dollars and Sense
Featured article in the 2013 issue of Ceremony Magazine. By Andi Edgett & Ngoc Nguyen Lay
It may take awhile for reality to set in after you get engaged – but somewhere in the haze of daydreaming about your picture perfect wedding day, it dawns on you – “How are we going to pay for all this?”
Until recently, most couples have turned to tradition for the breakdown of their wedding budget. Most of these old-fashioned “rules” come from a time when dowries and inheritance were the determining factors in getting married. To the modern couple more excited about building a life together than securing family alliances, some of these customs may seem a little outdated.
Traditionally, the bride’s family is responsible for: the engagement party; paper goods (stationary, invitations, etc.); photographers; the bridal gown; the groom’s ring; transportation to and from ceremony and reception; decorative flowers; the cost of the wedding ceremony; reception venue, entertainment, and food; guest favors; and thank you gifts for the bride’s maids.
The groom’s family traditionally covers: the rehearsal dinner; the bride’s rings; the groom’s suit or rental; marriage license and fees; personal flowers for close family members and the bridal party; alcohol at the reception; thank you gifts for the groomsmen; and the honeymoon.
Depending on your personal style and vision for your big day, some of the items on the list will stand out as more important than others. Remember, nothing says you have to follow tradition to the letter! Your wedding is an expression of your life together as a couple, and should be as classic and traditional or as offbeat and quirky as you are. Play around with everything from whether or not to bother with an engagement party to swapping out your first dance for a slide show until you are satisfied.
Before you begin the fun parts of wedding planning, make sure to sit down and have separate, private conversations with each of your families. Chances are, they have been thinking about this day longer than you have and already have an idea of what they would like to help with. Maybe your dad is a wine connoisseur and would be excited to help you set the cocktail menu and cover drink expenses; maybe your fiancé’s mother is touched that you’ve decided to be married in the same church she said her vows in years ago and offers to cover that cost. Just make sure to be delicate about financial concerns and patient with any suggestions your family comes up with. Even if you know it’s a terrible idea to ask your second cousin to be your photographer to build his portfolio and help cut down your costs, thank Mom for the suggestion and tell her you’ll look into it before making any final decisions.
If your families are enthusiastic to help but don’t have a clear idea of what they’re ‘supposed’ to do, feel free to make suggestions based on the traditional approach. If you’d rather pick up some of the costs yourself, other common ways to divide the costs of a modern wedding are: each family and the couple all pay for a third of the total costs; the two families split costs evenly; or each family pays the costs of the guests they are inviting, and the couple picks up the rest.
Most importantly, keep in mind that all rules are meant to be broken. The more willing you are to get creative with your budget and wedding expenses, the more you will be able to relax and enjoy the day when it finally comes along!
Post Published on Feburary 8, 2013.
